Hauling three bins, three milk crates, a few bags, a fish tank, a cooler full of water, and a futon up four flights of stairs is hard work. My mom and I had to stop and suck in a few breaths of air at every floor before we could continue carries the little couch. Wearing masks of course made breathing even harder and it happened to be a pretty hot day. Needless to say, after a full day of moving into my dorm, I was beat. I was sore and had little bruises from where the futon had dug into my wrist. But the exhaustion that I felt from moving in paled in comparison to my exhaustion after trying to make new friends.
My problem wasn’t so much meeting people as it was meeting the right people. I talked to lots of girls and almost immediately feel into a group of fun freshmen. Then, I joined a second friend group who was a little smaller but also great. I met up with a few people I had talked to online and most of them were super awesome. I got an on campus jobs and work with some really cool people. I was invited to Cru (a campus Christian club that I recommend you check out) and loved every second of it! So then why is this post about being lonely?
The truth is, I love making friends but it doesn’t come naturally. I have to work hard to be social and jump into conversations with people I don’t know well. I have to control what I say and who I say it to because I don’t know where people stand on various topics. Enduring the awkwardness of not seeing someone’s full face while still having a conversation isn’t that fun! It’s really hard to feel like there is no one you can feel totally real with. I didn’t expect to meet near as many people as I did during my first two weeks of college and I am so blessed! I set low expectations, really just hoping I would make one good, solid friend that I could be real with. And I knew that was going to take a LONG time because trust doesn’t come fast for me. I still don’t have that one solid friend. Maybe I know that person, but we just aren’t besties yet. Maybe I haven’t met that best friend in the first two weeks, and that would not be surprising at all! It isn’t fair to rush this process of friendship, it doesn’t happen in two weeks, at least not often.
Maybe you are in a slightly different situation then me. Maybe you came in to college expecting to have a good time, meet tons of people, and begin a relationship (casual or serious) all in the first couple weeks of the semester. There are many things holding you back from those goals right now especially. At my school we are allowed only three people in a dorm room at once. The common areas are open but there are limits as to how many people can be there and how close you can be to each other. This makes meeting people a bit harder. If you go to a house party and get caught you are expelled because COVID19 can spread so easily at parties. Having a romantic relationship and meeting interesting people is pretty tricky when you are supposed to social distance! Maybe you are just really disappointed because there are so many things you want to do but you just can’t. So what can we do when we feel lonely and disappointed?
I love to write things down; I write in my journal, I write in my Bible, I write in this blog, and I write to my amazing friends back home. By writing, my feelings feel real and manageable, it puts things into perspective. Try writing in any form you like. It works wonders.
Talk to your family or best friends. I often didn’t want to do this even though I knew I should. I didn’t want to talk to my family and friends back home because I knew I would cry and crying makes me feel weak. Crying DOES NOT make you weak and that is something I have really been trying to rework in my mind. Crying frees you in so many ways, just do it! Find a place to be alone that is safe. I know this is REALLY hard when you have a roommate, but time it for when they are at class or showering. You can also take a walk in a less busy, preferably green part of campus.
Soak in The Truth. The Truth that you are loved and that you are never alone. People have different beliefs but I firmly believe this truth. If I didn’t share this truth the post wouldn’t be complete because it is what I rely on most to get me through the lonely times.
There is a God who loves you, run to Him! It’s not going to magically fix everything, but I don’t know how I could get through this without going to Christ in prayer. You may not be very “religious” and you may not even like God right now! But if you read His Word (if you don’t know where to start, try John) He will reveal His love to you. You will find the most beautiful story about a God who loves His broken people but His people can’t be with Him because they are too broken to be with a perfect God. The broken people (all of us) deserve to spend an eternity separate from God in literally Hell. So, God did a crazy awesome thing. He sent His own Son (Jesus) to the earth to live a perfect life, that means being physically separated from His kid for over twenty years! So that His Son would die in our place. But that’s not all folks! Jesus came back to life! I know it sounds crazy but I believe it with all that is in me. If we admit that we are broken and not worthy to be with God, believe in Jesus and that he died and rose for our salvation, and confess our faith in Jesus as our savior and Lord, we will be with Him for eternity and our lives won’t get easier but they will be full and challenging, and amazing.
I know that is kind of a lot to think about right now, but do think about it. Please.
Keep it up! I know it is hard to be in college, I am struggling through it too! Please always know that there are people around you that want to help. Pretty much every college has free counseling so there is literally no harm in checking it out! As always, please contact me if you have any questions or suggestions about ANYTHING!
There is no shame in being lonely so don’t be afraid to shoot a comment below about how you are getting through dorm life!
College Crazies 